Sab
Maya Hai
Hobbes
and Moz waited with bated breath in front of the television for the
FIRST, EXCLUSIVE, PATHBREAKING, etcetera interview to be given by the
inheritor – sorry vice president – of the grand old party. I
tried telling them that it would be a waste of time and we were
better off watching Kapil's Comdey Night. My reward for this astute
observation was a lecture on how it was unbecoming of educated people
to be so cynical about politics. Said Moz, “This elections could
well decide the fate of this country for the next hundred years.” I
smirked, “Yeah right! That's what you say about every election. In
any case I will be dead well before that, so what do I care!” Hobbes shook his head
in disgust and said, “You might be dead but what about the legacy
we need to leave behind for our kids?” A-Rod, the 17 year old
teenager immersed in a mobile screen, piped up and said, “Uncle
Hobbes, my generation would like our legacy deposited in our bank account!”
She and I burst out laughing at this witticism but Moz and Hobbes
were not amused. I was about to build upon her remark when Moz
shouted, “Shh! Shh! The interview is beginning!”
I
swear I tried to pay attention but all those soporific standards of
politics – systems, process, dynasty, 1984, women's bill, MPs, PM,
CM, Gujarat, development model, secular, pseudo, minorities and such
other – soon had me wandering in la-la land.
An
hour later I woke up to find Hobbes and Moz in the middle of an
argument. Said Hobbes, “The interview clearly reveals that the boy
is an idiot!” Moz replied, “Maybe! But he is a well meaning idiot
unlike your dictatorial bearded man!” Hobbes sniggered and said,
“It's foolish to call a man a dictator when he's been
democratically elected.” Moz thundered, “You are young and so let
me refresh your memory. Indira Gandhi was elected and she declared
Emergency.” Hobbes snorted and said, “Ten years the boy has done
nothing and now talks of systems and processes!” Moz shot back, “15
years in power and in an election year your man suddenly decides to
build a statue for Sardar Patel!” The two of them glared at each
other angrily and then turned their eyes upon me.
In an attempt to
play peacemaker I said, “Calm down...” But before I could finish
they shouted in unison, “We are arguing because we care about this
nation, you slept through the damn thing! If this is the attitude of
the aam aadmi what will happen to this nation?” I decided to try
and lighten the mood saying, “I am many things I admit but with a
40 inch flatscreen, a Honda City in the garage, a Pierre Cardin
muffler and an original Stetson hat, the last thing you can accuse me
of being is an aam aadmi.” Moz and Hobbes were ready to explode
when A-Rod piped up, “Can you take this outside it's time for
Sherlock.”
We
walked out muttering about self absorbed teenagers when we heard
Sherlock yell, “Boring!” We ambled across to the nearby Irani tea
stall. It was unusually empty given the time of day. We sat down at
our favourite table and Moz called out to Yezdi, the owner, “Bawa!
Dhandha kyun itna down hai.” Yezdi snorted and said, “Saala!
Every nook and corner there seems to be a 'Namo' tea stall coming up!
Which MNC owns this brand? Starbucks?” Hobbes laughed, “Yezdi! Namo tea
stalls are being opened by the aam aadmi in support of the future
prime minister from Gujarat.”
Yezdi stared at Hobbes and said, “But
I thought the aam aadmi fellow and the Gujarat fellow did not like
each other.” Moz said, Yes, but...” Yezdi cut him off and said,
“Also some years back I remember reading some slogan that said
'Congress ka haath, aam aadmi ke saath. Have the Congress and BJP
joined hands? Politicians I tell you. All the same!” Even as Moz
and Hobbes were sputtering for words I said, “BJP, Congress, Aam
Aadmi – what does it matter? As the old Hindu saying goes 'Sab Maya
Hai'”
Song
Remains The Same
Here
are two versions of the classic song from QSQT, 'Papa Kehte Hain' as might be sung by two of our 'tallest' leaders. It
sounds much nicer if you were to sing it rather than just read it. So happy singing
Baba's
Version
Mummy
kehti hai bada naam karega
Baba mera is desh pe raj karega
Magar
yeh to main bhi na jaanoo
Ki
meri manzil hai kahan
Baithe
hain milke sab chamche apne
Sabke
dilon mein armaan yeh hai
Wo
zindagi mein kal minister banege
Har
ek chamcha ka sapna yeh hai
Koi
2G se apna jeb bharega
Coal-gate
main koi apna naam karega
Magar
yeh to main bhi na jaanoo
Ki
mere paas IQ hai ya na
Mummy
kehti hai bada naam karega
Baba
is desh par raj karega
Mera
to sapna hai ek curs
Baithe
jo uspe, kar sakta hai is desh ko barbad
System
aur process laoon nayye main
Saare
airports ko doonga Indira Gandhi ka naam
Buddhu
ye khoobsurat kaam karega
Desh
ki janata pai raaj karega
Meri
IQ se dekho to yaaron
Ki
meri manzil hai kahan
Mummy
kehti hai bada naam karega
Baba mera is desh par raj karega
Daadhi
Version
RSS
kehta hai bada naam karega
Daadhi
hamara Hindu Rashtra rachega
Magar
yeh to Gujarat ke muslim hi jaanen
Ki
meri manzil hai kahan
Baithe
hain milke sab chamche apne
Sabke
dilon mein armaan yeh hai
Wo
zindagi mein kal minister banenge
Har
ek chamche ka sapna yeh hai
Koi
coffins ka ghotala karega
Koi
mining scam main apna naam karega
Magar
yeh toh Gujarat ke muslim hi jaanen
Ki
meri manzil hai kahan
Mera
to sapna hai ek kursi
Baithe
jo uspe, kar sakta hai is desh ko barbad
Nero
ka model laaoon saare desh bhar main
Lekar
main zor zor se Sardar Patel ka naam
Daadhi
ye khoobsurat kaam karega
Desh
ki janata pai raaj karega
Meri
Hindu nazron se dekho toh yaaron
Ki
meri manzil hai kahan
RSS
kehta hai bada naam karega
Daadhi
hamara Hindu Rashtra rachega
